A Push in the Right Direction
by Paige Terner
Summary: Castle and Beckett need to decide who they are as a couple, and what that means. And sometimes the best way to move forward, is to look back. *The idea for this came from some behind the scenes pictures for the finale and some things said by Marlowe and Co., so there are some slightly spoilery things. It is set at the end of the season finale.*


**Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters I write about. If you recognize a name, odds are it isn't mine. But seeing as this is a fanfic website, you probably knew that already.**

**Thanks again to Sunshiny-Kate, the best beta a writer could ask for!**

* * *

"Hey," Beckett says softly as she walks into the break room, "I've been looking for you."

Castle looks up at her and smiles. "I was going to make a cup of coffee but when I got in here I got distracted."

"Distracted by what?"

"I started thinking about our conversation from earlier."

Beckett crosses the room and sits next to him on the couch. "That's funny."

"How is that funny?"

"That's why I was trying to find you. We didn't exactly get anywhere with that conversation, so now that the case is closed, I want to go home and talk."

"I want to talk too, but I want to make a few stops before going home."

"Castle," she sighs, "you can't keep putting this off. We have to talk about us, about -"

"Kate," he interrupts, "we will. Just trust me, okay?"

He stands up and holds a hand out to her. She stares up at him for several long seconds, then takes his hand and stands next to him. Remembering where they are, she gives his hand a quick squeeze and then lets go.

"Oh, and one more thing," Castle clears his throat, "I'm going to need your keys so I can drive."

"Why can't you just tell me where to go?"

"Please, Kate, I meant it when I said to trust me. Everything will make sense."

Beckett almost launches into an argument about him being cryptic when all she wants to do is talk, but something in his eyes, a pleading of sorts, stops her. "Okay, let's go by my desk so I can get my stuff."

* * *

"Where in the world are we?" Beckett asks as Castle parks the car in front of a boarded up building.

Castle shuts off the car before he answers her. "This is where we first met."

Beckett gives him a shocked glance, then looks back at the building. A sign hangs in the window saying the space is for sale or lease, but it appears no one has been inside for quite some time. Trash is piled up in the alcove leading to the doors, which are chained closed, and graffiti covers most of the windows.

"Castle," she turns back to him, "this isn't where we met. We met at the _Storm Fall_ launch party, remember?"

"No," he shakes his head, "we met once before then. Several years earlier, in fact. This building was a bookstore then."

It takes a moment and one more look at the building before it hits her.

"Castle," her voice is low and shaky, "I've never told you about that day. How could you know?"

"I've known for almost five years now, Kate. I figured it out not long after I started following you around."

"Rick." She whispers the word, barely breathes it out. "When? How?"

"It was your eyes, actually." He smiles and reaches over to take one of her hands in his. "It's impossible to forget eyes like yours, but at first I didn't put two and two together. Then that day you told me about your mother, and why you wear her ring and your father's watch, it all clicked. You had this look in your eyes while you shared your story, and I realized I'd seen that same mix of desolation and joy in those gorgeous eyes before, at one of my book signings."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because you didn't." He shrugs. "I figured you had a reason for not bringing it up."

Beckett chuckles and lays her free hand on top of his, which are still clasped around her other hand. "I didn't really have a reason. I guess maybe I didn't want you to know just how big of a fan I was. Your ego couldn't handle it."

"That's probably true," he replies with a loud laugh.

"You know, that book burned up in the fire from the bomb in my old apartment, but I still remember the words you wrote."

"I don't remember what I wrote for you, but I remember you." Castle smiles. "So young and pretty, so broken, but hopeful too."

"You're too beautiful to frown, so here's hoping you find the happiness you deserve."

"What?"

"That's what you wrote."

"Kind of cheesy, huh?"

Beckett shakes her head. "It was perfect. I read those words so many times. They gave me hope that happiness was out there waiting for me."

Castle leans over and presses his lips to hers. The kiss is slow, lazy, and they lose themselves in each other. He pulls a hand free and reaches up to caress her cheek, and she runs both hands through his hair, pulling him tighter to her. He breaks away a few moments later and smiles at her.

"We better go. We've got more places to stop by."

"What's the point of this?"

"Trust me, Kate," is all he says as he starts the car and steers into traffic.

* * *

"Come on," Castle says as he unbuckles his seat belt. "we're getting out here."

"What's this place?"

"Come with me and you'll see." He grins. "Hey, that rhymed! I could be a poet."

"Don't quit your day job, Edgar." Beckett says as she climbs out of the car.

She waits for him to walk around to her side, then follows him towards the building they're parked in front of. The sign above the door says _The Bean Counter_, and when Castle opens the door for her, the most wonderful odor of freshly ground coffee beans wafts into her nose. She steps through the doorway and takes a look around the surprisingly large room. About twenty people sit at tables, reading and typing and talking, and the whole atmosphere is homey and welcoming.

"Mr. Castle, good to see you!"

Beckett turns to the sound of the voice and sees a blond haired man who looks to be in his mid forties waving at them.

"Nicholas," Castle says happily, "how goes it?"

"It goes quite well, good sir," he replies with a wide grin. "The usual?"

"Yes, please, in to-go cups. I don't have my mugs with me today."

"Coming right up."

Castle heads over to the counter to wait, and Beckett takes the stool next to his. "So," she nudges him with her shoulder, "I take it this is where you get my coffee?"

"Yep," he nods, "best brew in town, if you ask me."

"I agree. But why did you bring me here?"

"Coffee has been a way for me to do something for you, to care for you, to show you I'm thinking about you, and so much more, for so long. It became a silent way of me telling you how I felt, how I still feel, without overstepping boundaries."

"Since when have you cared about boundaries?" Beckett laughs.

"Touché." Castle smiles, "but I think you know what I mean."

She lays a hand on his forearm, runs it up and down slowly. "I do."

"Good."

"Order's up, Mr. Castle." Nicholas walks up to them and sets the two cups down. "I have to ask, is this her?"

Castle lets out a laugh. "Yes, Nicholas," he looks at Beckett, "this is her."

"I need to shake your hand, ma'am," he holds out his right hand to Beckett, who shakes it with a confused look on her face. "I swear, sometimes it's felt like Mr. Castle here has kept me in business, what with all the lattes he buys for you."

Beckett feels a slight warming in her cheeks, but shrugs off the embarrassment. "I've got him trained well, don't I?"

"That you do." Castle agrees with another laugh. He pulls out his wallet and pays for the drinks. "Thanks Nicholas. See you next time."

"I'll be here."

"Let's go, Kate." Castle says as he picks up the drinks and hands hers to her. "We aren't through yet."

* * *

"Castle, why in the world would you bring me here?"

"Because this was where I was when I knew for sure I was truly in love you." He answers.

They are standing across the street from where her old apartment had been, looking up at the building that has long since been repaired. She gives him an inquisitive look, but says nothing, so he continues.

"I wanted you from day one, I've never really been shy about that." He pauses again when she snorts out a laugh. "Then the longer I knew you, the deeper my feelings grew. But it was the night the bomb went off and I thought I'd lost you that I knew I was in love and there was no turning back. Because here I was, standing in this spot, staring at the flames, my ears ringing and my heart pounding, and the only thought in my mind was the hope that you'd somehow survived, because I couldn't imagine my life without you in it." He reaches for her hand and tangles their fingers together. "I edited my bucket list while you were staying at my house afterwards. That was when I made being with you my number one because it was the thing I wanted most."

"You waited so long, and we both dated others," Beckett sighs, "how did your feelings not fade?"

"Because I'm in love with you," he shrugs. "Simple as that. And yeah, we went through a lot to get where we are, but my feelings kept growing the longer I was around you and the more I got to know you." He pulls her to him and kisses her hard, then whispers against her lips. "And nothing can change that." He kisses her once more, quick and gentle. "Nothing."

"I love you too, Castle," she murmurs.

"I know. Now let's get back in the car. We've got more stops to make."

* * *

"The Angelica?" Beckett asks as Castle pulls the car to a stop and kills the engine.

"Yep. Where we had our first public date."

"Technically it wasn't a date, Castle."

"It was a date," he smirks playfully.

"Fine, then, it wasn't our first. We went out to Remy's for dinner long before we came to the movie here."

"Yeah, but I told you no lies on that one. So let me rephrase. This was our first public date that I lied to go on with you."

Beckett starts laughing, and it takes her several moments to calm down enough to speak. "Castle, I knew you were lying."

"What? I was flawless in my performance."

"Sorry," she shakes her head, "I didn't believe you for a second that you hadn't ever seen The Forbidden Planet."

"Why'd you play along then and take me out and buy the tickets and everything?"

"Because I wanted to. You lit up like a kid at Christmas when you realized I was going to take you out," she pauses, gathers her thoughts, and continues, "and although I may not have shown it, I wanted to be with you even then. But I was with Josh and I wasn't ready to be with you because I was, well, honestly I was scared by how strong my feelings were for you."

"I know what you mean," he smiles.

* * *

"Kate, just unlock the door."

"No, Castle. I don't want to be here."

"Please get out of the car and come with me."

She glares up at him through the window. She'd gotten upset as soon as he'd pulled into the cemetery, and after five minutes of trying to convince her to get out, he had finally gotten out and walked around the car to her side, but she'd locked her door so he couldn't open it.

"Castle, there is nothing here that can help us."

"You're really not going to get out, are you?"

"No."

"Fine."

He turns and walks down the long row of white crosses that stand out starkly from the green grass below. He reaches the simple marker that watches over the fallen Captain Montgomery. The air is still and no birds are singing, and the world seems bathed in an almost eerie silence. So several minutes later when the car door shuts, it echoes across the field of slain officers. Castle waits, unmoving, letting her come to him on her own. When she reaches him, she slips her arms around his sides and tucks her head under his chin. He wraps his arms around her too, and they stand there, embracing, helping each other support the weight of the place.

"Why here, Castle?" The words are muffled by his chest.

"This is where I said I love you out loud for the first time." he answers into her hair.

"I know."

"And it still bothers me to this day that I didn't have the courage to say it until it was almost too late."

"I was dating Josh, Castle," she pulls her head back enough to look up at him. "You were respecting that relationship."

Castle shakes his head. "I should've said it long before you ever met him. Before Demming, before I got back together with Gina, before any of that had a chance to happen, I should have manned up and told you how I felt."

Beckett sighs loudly. "I never told you why I started going out with Josh."

"What do you mean?"

"I broke up with Tom the day you left for the Hamptons with Gina."

"I thought you two had a trip planned for that weekend."

"We did. I called it off. I was going to go with you."

"You were?"

"That's what I was trying to tell you at the precinct that day."

Realization washes over his face. "Right when Gina walked up."

She nods. "Yes."

"Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry."

"Don't even think of apologizing. What I'm getting at is that you aren't the only one who has regrets about timing. And I started going out with Josh that summer because I just needed to feel wanted by someone, the way I felt around you."

"I only got back with Gina because you were, at least in my eyes, unavailable, and I needed a distraction." He chuckles wryly. "I should've known we'd never work out. For one thing, we'd already failed once before, and on the other hand, I was smitten with my love for you. Gina and I were doomed before we began."

"Knowing that you loved me helped me so much the summer after I was shot," Beckett lets out a quiet sigh. "It also made me feel guilty for shutting you out and for lying to you, but I found hope and strength the knowledge that you loved me."

"I'm glad I could help in any way. I hated being apart from you, not being able to be there for you."

"You were there though, Castle. When I'd have a cup of coffee I'd think of you. When my dad would tell me a corny joke, I'd smile because I'd think of one of yours. When I'd read a book, no matter the author, you always came to mind."

Castle presses a kiss to her forehead. "When I heard your voice at the book signing, I was so overwhelmed. I thought I was dreaming at first, and then I was so angry and happy and then angry that I was happy."

"I'm sorry I put you through all that," another sigh slips through her lips. "Hey, can we go now, Castle? I've had enough somberness for awhile."

He glances around, halting his gaze on Montgomery's headstone. "Yes, we can go. But thank you."

"For what?"

"Getting out of the car, sticking with me."

"Always," she smiles.

* * *

"Good, the swings are open."

Beckett laughs at Castle's giddy face. "I guess that's where we're going then, huh?"

"Yep."

They make their way across the playground to the awaiting swings, and Beckett sits down first. Castle sits next to her, facing the opposite way so it's easier to talk.

"So, we're here because it's where we came after the book signing, right?" she asks once they're settled.

"Yes and no. This is the last stop on our tour. It's time to talk now."

"We've been talking, Castle."

"About the past, yes. Now we are going to talk about the future, just like I promised you we would before we left the precinct. You go first."

Beckett takes hold of the chains on either side of her. "Castle, I've got this job opportunity with the feds."

"Yes, I'm well aware."

"And if I had to choose between you and the job, I'd choose you, Castle, but I need to know that you're in this for the long haul before I do that."

Castle thinks for a few moments before responding. "You said earlier that you were once scared because of your feelings. And are you still scared?"

"Yes," she answers without hesitation, "but now it's more that I'm scared that I don't know exactly what we are, and so I don't know if the effort I'm putting into our relationship is worth the hurt that would come if it ended."

"Kate, I had a reason for taking you all those places."

"I assumed you did."

"I can't predict the future, much to my dismay," he smiles, then his expression turns serious. "I took you to those place to remind you of how far we've come. I can't tell you exactly were we are going or what's in store for us. But I can tell you what I hope for, what it is that I want."

"Okay." Beckett nods.

"I want you to move in with me. I want to marry you, Kate, someday, when we're ready for that. I want to have kids with you that we can bring here to push on our swings. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, whether that's one day or a thousand years. If you need to move for a career opportunity, I'll follow you."

"What about Alexis and Martha?"

"Mother can come with us if she wants, or she can stay here. Alexis too." He lets out a long, heavy sigh. "Kate, we've come such a long way, and I want to keep on going. So there. That's what I want. What about you."

"You know, I came here to these swings the night I came to your loft," Beckett smiles at the memory. "I sat here in the pouring rain, which in hindsight wasn't that smart, what with the lightning and all. Anyway, it was here that I made my final decision to give in and let myself go to you."

"I'm glad you didn't get electrocuted."

"Me too," she laughs along with him. "But it's fitting."

"What? Electrocution?"

She reaches out and slaps his arms playfully. "No, that here I am again when faced with deciding if my future involves you."

"And does it include me?" Castle asks, hope in his voice.

"Absolutely. I'm willing to fight for us, Rick, no matter what life throws our way. We've beaten plenty of odds, and we'll beat any more that come. As long as we're together."

"I like the sound of that."

Castle reaches for the chain closest to him and pulls her towards him. She grabs one of his chains as well to help keep them close, and then leans in to meet him for a kiss full of promise and hope.


End file.
